Where I am Now

Where I am now .  .  .  working on this business, half in/half out.  Sort of wondering why I couldn't just be satisfied with the everyday, the occasional project, the ft mothering/wife-ing.  Knowing that is fear talking.  I was not complete with just that.  I have wanted "more" for a long time.  Just wasn't sure what "more" is.  And going to that luncheon and feeling partially intimidated (lord, I hate public speaking and meeting new people) and then also seeing how cool it is that all these resources exist.  I can help my parents if nothing else.  Knowing that if I persist, I too will have knowledge/helpful information to share.  I will be helping other people.  And once I'm actually doing "the job" this other stuff-the marketing, the networking (which I dread, yet part of me actually does like, hello Communications major) will be so much easier.  Right now I feel like a fraud? or someone who is just doing it for the money?  or as a business opportunity?  If I just got out there and went to a few senior centers, or volunteered and actually met the people I want to help it would be SO much easier. I know this.  I am kind.  I have common sense.  I am a good listener.  I am organized.  I am calm.  These are all great qualities for working with seniors.  From just these months of setting up (despite the overall reluctance that I demonstrate) I fully realize that I don't just want to SAHM anymore.  I don't want to do PTA, or be the band mom or just work out.  And I don't say that to denigrate any of those things-because they are all important.  But I do want to have something that is more fulfilling.