Finding Joy in the Mundane

I really try and have that as my mantra.  And because I am such a creature of habit, and do like my bubble, I am finding it pretty easy to feel content with my everyday.  I appreciate the beauty around me.  So a drive to the gym is always great-because Leucadia is my favorite street: I love that it's a hill, there are beautiful flowers and trees planted along it, and that there is a view of the gorgeous blue Pacific.  People are friendly and smiling here, so a trip to the grocery store is always happy.  We are financially secure, so shopping expeditions don't stress me out.  We've been here long enough that a trip to Target almost always means I'll see someone I know and get to catch up.  Our house is lovely-my favorite people are here, and Cita cleans it.  I love to cook-so for the most part I enjoy making our meals.  And if I'm not in the mood-we're fortunate enough to be able to go out and grab tacos.  I do appreciate the every day.  I am always grateful for what we have:  each other, our health, financial security, living in SD.  I don't take any of that for granted.

Gratitude

In honor of Thanksgiving week:
I am grateful that G's fever has finally broken-almost 6 days in.  It might spike later, but this is the first time since Tuesday night that he has been fever free-and I am so happy.  He clearly feels much better-even though he has a runny nose.
I am grateful that George is home from the hospital, fully healed, no lasting damage, and that we were easily able to pay the $2500 vet bill (although clearly-gulp)
I am grateful that S has been home the whole time and so helpful-it would have really sucked to be alone this week dealing with both Gs
I am grateful that it is a beautiful sunny day here in SD
I am grateful that we're hosting Thanksgiving-I'm about to go to Costco to shop for what we need
I am grateful to have the ability to prepare food to bring to the abused women's shelter
I am grateful to have the money to spend on beauty maintenance-I've done quite a lot this week
I am grateful that today all my babies are home, and they're peacefully asleep
I am grateful that today is a cool, sunny SD fall day
I am grateful for good health for all
I am grateful that I have wonderful friends and family all over the country
I am grateful that S and I have such a good time together and I made a great choice almost 25 years ago
I am grateful that Cita is about to come in and clean my kitchen, wash G's sheets, iron my Thanksgiving napkins
I am grateful that I am able to help E apply to all kinds of schools
I am grateful that S is brilliant and able to help E with her physics project
I am grateful that I can go make myself another cup of coffee
 I am grateful that I found Brooke all those years ago, and am able to see so many life coaches and their work on FB-it really helps refocus me

Thankful

It's the day after the day after Thanksgiving.  And despite that yesterday felt rather Groundhog-day ish: cat that has some sort of urinary track thing going on (so maybe a trip to the vet's today for antibiotics) and a feverish kid.  That has been my life for 10 days.  Ay yi yi.  And the physics project that has taken over our lives and our dining room table:  the pasta bridge. There is gorilla glue, rubber gloves, fettuccine and wax paper covering the table.

So thank God for S helping her with that all consuming project.  I'm not sure it needs to be such a production-but she'll get a good grade, and more importantly she'll remember how much time and care her dad took with her.  A great example of love and devotion.

And thank God for S with helping with A.  He's been taking his temperature, gave him his medicines, charging his iPad.

And how nice was it to go shopping at TJ Maxx and basically pick up whatever we wanted: a gray cashmere sweater to replace that old gray Costco sweater that just depresses me, and some clothes for B for Hanukkah, and some shirts for S.

And what else am I feeling grateful for?  Reading over the "Gratitude Turkey Feathers/Leaves" that I'd made up for the kids several years ago with G.  That was a really wonderful thing to see things that each of them felt grateful for-from the beach, to G for making them laugh, and for how hard their dad works for all of us.

I don't see how we fight an ideology.  I hate to be pessimistic, I don't want to think the worst-but that's what I think.  Who do we bomb?  Or boots on the ground?  How does that fight against an ideology of exclusion and fear and despair and hate?  How do you combat people feeling angry or disenfranchised?  Trying to bring them into democracies where they, in theory, have opportunities for freedom, and upward mobility, and the way to worship or live the way they want?  That's been Europe for the last 30 years-all kinds of immigration-and now look.  If we "pulled out of the Middle East" like what they demand-so they can gain more power and funding and land?  Who does that help?  It certainly wouldn't help Israel.  It wouldn't help the women in the region.  They want people to live with antiquated religious beliefs-a life from thousands of years ago.

It's like a Pandora's box:  they're out, they're everywhere, there's no "containing" or trying to reason with them.  And all the refugees that are now all over Europe-of course the majority of those people want to live in peace.  But how are they to be incorporated into the societies that are already frayed?  The majority become Muslim:  it's like a reverse Crusades.  How do you fight this?  How do you de-radicalize people? How do you fight a few people with machine guns or suicide bombers going into crowded areas?  The right says More Guns.  More Secure Borders.  What does that even mean?  Everyone walking around with weapons? More guns ensure less violence? I'm dubious.  And "secure borders"?  You build an actual fence and NO one gets in?  What about people in Europe and here in the US who radicalize? Via the internet and their own insane thoughts?  The Boston bomber-a typical American teen who was a college student: how do you protect from that?

And what about our responsibilities as Jews, as Americans, as humans, to help our fellow man?  What does that look like when we're turning away the Syrian refugees?  The women and small children who arrive in boats with the clothes on their backs-we do what?  Send them back?  Settle them where?  What kind of litmus test do we give people?  What are your beliefs?  Do they align with ours so you're allowed to stay? What kind of democracy is that?  What kind of world is this?

Going forward-NO one know what the answer is-and the people who claim they do know are delusional.  If there was an easy answer (bombing somebody-who, exactly?  Jihadi John was killed yesterday morning by a drone-the evening brought the terror in Paris) wouldn't we do that?  Maybe Obama's policies have made it "worse".  But ideology can't be fought by drones, or "containment" or retaking areas in the Middle East-no matter what the Fox talking heads would have you believe.  So simplistic.  But I disagree with the left like Bill Maher saying that we need to leave the Middle East to basically appease these people.  They're not going away.

I am heartsick over this.  And when I look ahead, and I am not hopeful.  I guess I need to realign my core beliefs over what I can do, what I can see.  Where there is dark, there is light.  Where there is evil (and this IS evil) there are kind and good people (the Parisian taxi drivers giving free rides, people offering shelter in their homes, Sikh temples opening up to anyone who needed a place to stay.)  And I have to believe that most people are good.  Most people want to help others.  Also-you never know how long you have on earth.  It's important to do the most with the time you have-love your people, help others, pray for peace, enjoy your every moment.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.   I listened to BC's latest podcast this morning-so many great things to reflect on.  A huge one is the how you see your history-not as a victim or just looking at the dark, but as creating the person you are.  That was fascinating.  So how do I see my childhood?  It was wonderful and warm and filled with books and family time.  It filled me with a sense of love and security.  Home was a haven.  My parents had a happy marriage, and we had a happy home life.  It was very much the 4 of us, with lovely time spent with my grandparents, and some awesome friends.  We did great family vacations.  My parents took us to museums, and concerts, and musicals.  We always had delicious food.   Education was very important to them-they made sure we went to the best possible schools, and took our grades very seriously.  They paid for me to go to a private college.  I was always told I was smart and kind.  I had art lessons, tennis classes, swimming lessons, drama and dance classes.   When I think about it like this, it fills me with love for my parents, and gratitude for such a happy upbringing.

I do get annoyed sometimes with the school and the way they do things:  the crappy common core math, the Makers Space which has no actual purpose and now sucks up time they should be using for history, the stupid yoga, the lame science teacher who just gives them busy work and not interesting, hands-on stuff, the Reading program which is no longer optional.  I feel irked.  But then what am I going to do?  Fight with the principal all the time?  Have continuous meetings with the teachers?  Pull them out and send them to a private school?  Homeschool?  No.  Reality check.  I don't want to be fighting a losing battle or even expending energy feeling annoyed and "stuck".  I am taking action where I can for the priorities we have.  I am finding a math tutor to work with A.  I will have G do it too at some point-maybe now?  He loves math and is actually scary good at it, although I don't want to burn him out.  We never had science in elementary school.  Of course-this didn't matter to me, because I didn't like it.  Do my kids get science from S?  Yes-lots.  They should probably get more-so maybe we start doing Science Saturday with 1 science thing a week.  What else?  More reading.  I am REALLY bad at this.  I don't know why.  I love reading.  My mother used to take us to the library once a week.  I never do this.  Even over break when we had time, I didn't prioritize.  So what can you control?  I can control how much screen time WE ARE ALL DOING and WE CAN READ INSTEAD.  (I had to put it in caps to get my own attention.)  Also-I know that they are really smart kids, we give them lots of opportunities to do interesting things, they're exposed to museums and different cultures, and we've traveled, they will figure it out.  The science at Diegueno is really good, the science in high school is very good.  If science/math is their passion, they will study it in college.  I don't need to get hung up on making sure they are getting everything a certain way now.

Okay-here's where the rubber meets the road.  Or the botox needle would hit your face.  I have maintained that I did not want LA face.  I am scared of needles.  I do not want to look like Priscilla Presley.  Then, recently, at 49 with wrinkles starting to emerge, I have begun to waver.  Maybe I do want a smooth forehead.  I think I look good, but I don't look like I'm 40 (which is actually when I really loved how I looked).  I don't need to look 25-because really, I was kind of a dope at that point and I think it showed on my face.  But I loved 40.  I was feeling great.  Right after finding Brooke and self coaching, going on the Tahoe retreat, exercising all the time, 2 trips to Hawaii, 1 amazing husband, 3 adorable kids, lovely house-I was feeling super content.  And that showed on my face.  And now?  Are you dissatisfied with how you look?  No-honestly, since August I have been overall happy with my Happy Plan.  I think, overall, I look pretty good.  My size is another matter.  I have forced myself not to think about it-I have just been thinking about Happy.  I've done a ton of steps, increased my strength and stamina at the gym, I'm fitting back into last winter's clothes more easily, I actually dumped the Old Navy jeans I'd gotten in the spring because they were literally falling off of me.  I've been taking time for my hair/makeup/clothes/nails.  I think I'm feeling happier and more content, and that has been showing on my face.  When I look at the pic from RH, I see that my face looks really good, and my body looks ginormous.  And in the pic Amy sent me from the other night at the cooking class-oy vey.  I know it was a side angle-but I look big.  Not pleasantly plump-but LARGE.  And not at all what I'm imagining myself to look like.  So that's when I falter.  When the image I have of myself in my head doesn't match what I realize everyone else is seeing.  So what are other people seeing?  What does your family see?  What does Amy see when we're out having fun?  They see someone kind, and fun, and funny and smart and a good listener.  They see someone who cares about them.  Someone who is smiling, and interested in other people.  Someone who works to provide a happy, stable, home.  Someone who has a lot of wonderful friends.  Someone who strives to take care of herself through healthy eating, lots of water, lots of movement.  Someone who is content and secure.  Okay-so back to the Botox Party.  If you're not happy with your overall body shape, or feel like you want to be fitter, look at Jami doing yoga, and think:  cool-I'd like to be able to do that too, a shot of Juvaderm is not going to do that for you.  Why not take the $300 and put it towards a personal trainer to help do the heavy lifting training that you keep saying you need and don't actually do?  Or go back to Beth for more Pilates classes?  Also-maybe try a new hair stylist-that woman in Julia's salon seems really talented.  And you are in desperate need of a dental appointment.  Because isn't it weird to try and erase how your face is looking naturally? Do you want to look like you are from the OC?  No-not really.  I just want to look like me-but without wrinkles on my forehead.   Sigh.