Scaling Back

I've scaled way back on my volunteer commitments.  I will be helping with Art in G's class, but that's once a month, and I'm scheduled for only 2-3 times to work in his class thru December.  I assume they'll have class parties and I'll be able to go in then.  But other than that-I'm turning everything else down right now.  Maybe later I'll miss it or feel like it's important.  But honestly-did spending time at Sisterhood events help anyone?  No-I just did it because J guilted me into it and I felt like it was good for me, or proved that I have "things to do".  I'm not going to get pulled into stuff at the Temple unless it's more Social Action.  If people want to be connected they can step out of their comfort zone and do something.  Part of my thing was to try and facilitate that.  I don't care right now.   I don't feel like arguing with Ellen, or trying to create a program for people to meet, or help with the environment.  I'm one person-I can't change the culture or make people participate.  If I get to the point where I feel like we need more Jewish connection we'll maybe join JC.  For right now, I want to spend time with who we enjoy and take care of my family and myself.  I don't need the calendar to be filled to the brim with activities.  I'm scaling back on the social thing too.  Only people we want to be with.  I feel sort of bad articulating it, but I'm happier without her in my life on a regular basis.  She's too much drama and exhausting.  The kids are not nice.  My kids don't miss them either.  I don't need to get into the vortex of complaining, and issues and eighty million things going on.  I like the simpler life.  I want this to be a great last year with the 6 of us at home.  That is my highest priority.  It means I will cultivate time for us doing things we enjoy.  When I think back to how we lived in Maryland, we had very few friends-we spent a lot of time with my parents and my brother, but there was something easy, comforting, nice and simple about that.  Our family life was definitely the center.  E was saying how she has no happy memories of Waverly, and that is kind of heartbreaking.  But she said our family life was always wonderful and we always did really fun things-so that made me feel really happy to hear.  That was something I could control.  I do like having a variety of people in my life but I don't need the frenetic pace of the last few years.  And going forward, our family dynamic is about to really change-I'm kind of girding myself for that-but also can appreciate there will be something really nice about that too.  G is a really wonderful person-and he's the one we will be spending the most alone time with.  And I can see us doing a lot with him.    What can we do this year to make it fun and memorable?  What are things that E likes to do?  She likes us just hanging out at home without a ton of people here.  She loves Disneyland.  She had mentioned Balboa Park before.  More Torrey Pines hikes?  Yesterday morning was great-all of us at the Y.  Of course if we make our life too E-centered she may not want to leave!!!!  There needs to be some element of wanting to get the hell away from us-that's a natural desire in the late teenaged years.  And really, it's to be encouraged.  You don't want them living with us forever and being so dependent on us-that's not emotionally healthy either.  They're supposed to move out and move on.  There's some kind of quote about mothering-like if you're doing what you're supposed to, you're working your way out of a job.  They need to take on more and more responsibility for their own lives.  It's gradual but it's important.